nelsausagetun

Apparently, this song has already been annedbay (that’s Pig Latin, btw!) on every other social media platform—except this one. Which is kinda weird, because, well, you know… Kanye isn’t exactly active on Instagram. So, in theory, it would’ve made more sense for it to disappear from here first.

Anyway, I suspect this song will either resurrect Kanye’s career from the ashes and earn him a coveted gold star—or serve as the final nail in the cross, so to speak. The match that ignites its inevitable incineration. The train that takes it on a one-way trip with no return. The secret staircase behind a bookshelf that leads to an attic where he’ll be forced to lock himself away and journal endlessly like a teenage girl in hiding—obsessing over a childhood crush on his cousin, Peter van Pels (or as he’ll call him, Peter Van Daan), overanalyzing every silence, every shy glance, every awkward conversation, every kiss—until he’s built an entire one-sided relationship in his head that leads absolutely nowhere.

And then, he dies.

And the journal is discovered by his dad, who publishes it—and somehow, it becomes required reading for seventh graders around the world.

Either way, it’s shaping up to be an interesting summer on social media. Maybe it’s time though to take a break and decompress—go on vacation somewhere like the Maldives, Koh Phi Phi, Borneo, or Buenos Aires.

If you read the caption, comment: ‘Peter’s a shy, awkward boy. He’s not even good-looking.’ –Kanye, probably, so people who didn’t read it won’t understand the comments.
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Are we still doing Liam Payne memes or have they fallen off? Ba-dum-dum.
Anyway, I’m here performing almost every single day folks and follow would mean the world.
But if you don’t want to see me again… I would understand.
I would… understa-a-a-and.
I… would… un… der… staaand.
I…
would…
understand.
YEAH yeah YEAH yeah YEAH yeah YEAH!”

Musical Artist: Third Eye Blind
Song Title: “Jumper”
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Gorilla said “No Diddy!” ✌️
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Happy Mother’s Day to this guys wife. Truly a miracle baby!!!
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Dad and his friend are huge Metallica fans. So when he gets home and dinner isn’t ready, he plops down in his study to practice “Enter Sandman.” He’s an avid guitar player, but he struggles with the main riff’s galloping rhythm and the E minor to F power chord transition.

After a frustrating session, if he still can’t nail the fast palm-muted section before the solo, he heads to the kitchen and smashes… a few beers to relax and forget how sloppy his downpicking sounds.

If that doesn’t calm him down, he grabs a baseball bat and hits… some ground balls to my brother in the backyard. Mom’s not a fan—it ruins her tulips—so she nags him to stop.

If he’s still upset, he heads to the garage, grabs his 9-gauge, walks back into the kitchen, steadies his hand, and finishes off… rewiring the new LED lights he installed to match the custom kitchen he built for her.

Why he keeps copper wire in the gun cabinet has always boggled me. He says it’s for safety—since vagrants roam the neighborhood at night, breaking into garages. Sometimes, though, it’s just the neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, returning a borrowed drill.

Poor Mrs. Wilson never saw it coming. Who knew Dad could land a headshot from his recliner? I wouldn’t—especially since his fingers can’t even manage a clean E5 to F5 transition.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—especially you, Mrs. Wilson. Your departure left a big void… especially since they still haven’t found you. But hey, my mom’s tulips are coming in beautifully. All thanks to you.

And don’t worry—Dad will learn “Enter Sandman” soon enough. It breaks his heart to hear your husband cry every night, at his attempt to master the muted triplet gallops and dual guitar harmonies of your favorite song.
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The fact that the new Pope is American is amazing. The fact that he’s from Chicago (albeit the South Side and a White Sox fan) is, as a fellow Chicagoan and a Catholic, unbelievable—and easily forgivable. But the idea that he’s from Chicago and may have visited the world-famous Wieners Circle—where the staff likely hurled insults at him while he patiently waited for God to tell him what to order—is, in and of itself, a miracle.

The only thing that even remotely captures that kind of energy is when Conan O’Brien sent Kenneth Parcell (aka Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock) to the Wieners Circle during a Late Late Show taping in Chicago 12 years ago. I’ll try to upload the whole clip in my next meme—it’s hilarious.

If you want that, just comment “Wieners.”
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MAID stands for “Medical Assistance in Dying.” They’re super popular in Canada—but don’t worry, they’ll be coming to a country near you real soon.
Fun fact: since this joke’s only gonna hit with Canadians (because y’all are the only ones with MAID clinics right now), I used the hashtag “Canadian Humor” to help it find the right audience.
There were fewer than 1,000 posts 😂
Weak 👎
No wonder all your citizens want to ☠️

Follow @sausagetunnel before you do 😵
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Pope Leo the XIV meme dump
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Popeyes had this one saved in their drafts folder for years
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Dick’s Sporting Goods Chairman Edward W. Stack announced today that rapper, fashion designer, influencer, actor, mogul, restaurateur, entrepreneur, husband, father, uncle, and first-through-ninth cousin Kanye West will serve as the company’s new brand ambassador.

Stack cited Kanye’s “willingness to swallow his pride—among other things—and really get down to business” as a key factor in the decision.

When asked what convinced him to take the role, Kanye said, “Edward told me Dick’s is really just one big family. That spoke to me.”

Pressed by reporters on whether he was concerned about appointing Kanye given his fallout with Adidas and the collapse of the Yeezy brand, Stack responded confidently:
“We’re not worried. In fact, we kind of hope he blows it.”
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In case you don’t understand the meme, there’s an ongoing debate on the internet about whether 100 men could defeat a gorilla. So, I decided to illustrate it by placing 100 guys in a jungle, standing behind a gorilla sitting on an off-white couch with two teal pillows. This setup represents the imagined battle between the 100 men and the gorilla. I chose the couch simply because it looks nice—no deeper meaning, no tactical advantage.

But if anything about this scene feels eerily familiar to you… say 10 Our Fathers, 10 Hail Marys, and light a candle for St. Michael the Archangel—patron saint of holy battles and questionable internet content. And give me a follow to help save your soul. 🙏

(Indulgences not guaranteed, but highly encouraged.)
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Geez, Jimmy, chill the heck out. You hit 500 million followers and suddenly think you can drop the N-word? Retweeting it counts too, by the way (unless you censor it with **—then you’re cool, apparently).

Wait—can you, though? I’ve heard of the mythical “N-word pass,” but no one’s ever explained how you actually get one. It feels like something out of a fairy tale—like a leprechaun’s pot of gold, a goose that lays golden eggs, a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, or a polite Frenchman. Cool if true, but I’ve never seen one.

Maybe once you hit 100 million followers, one just magically appears in your DMs? That’d be cool. Or… maybe not. Influencers are mostly tools. Mr. Beast seems solid—he does a lot of good. The worst are the micro-influencers who write long-winded captions that go absolutely nowhere.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be wild if the Black community officially granted N-word passes to select individuals? Maybe just certain Asians—like Japanese (they’re super polite), or Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians… honestly, most of Southeast Asia is pretty chill. Maybe toss in a few Kiwis and Aussies too. They’re laid-back, and with those accents, it’d be kind of hilarious. Imagine if Steve Irwin had an N-word pass. Crikey N-! No? Just me?

Here’s the pitch: a reality show. Think Jeopardy! meets American Gladiators. Contestants compete against the likes of Clarence Thomas, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Chris Rock, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, etc.—in trivia, athletics, hair braiding, catalytic converter theft maybe even a rap battle—for a golden N-word pass. Winner gets to say it (soft “-gga,” obviously) for one year, after which it’s ceremoniously revoked.

Tell me that wouldn’t be must-watch TV.

And if anyone steals this idea, I expect a 10% finder’s fee—or else you know what I’m gonna call you… not nice!
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