In case you didn’t hear Pope Francis passed away this morning. It would be really weird learning this information from this meme, but that’s why I included it in my caption.

I was actually going to post this meme yesterday because I just remembered this scene the day before but then obviously yesterday was Easyer Sunday so this wasn’t an appropriate meme to post on that day, so I decided to wait. Then today Pope Francis passed away so I was like “is this really an appropriate meme to post today?” “Probably not” But I thought what if Paul Hogan aka The Crocodile Dundee passes away tomorrow? Would it be appropriate to post then? Again probably not.

But if you’re seeing this meme Mr. Hogan rest easy because I think you’ll be with us for quite a while…or until you meet Vice President JD Vance, which ever comes first.

Now…time for me to throw another shrimp on the barbie! Australias love that phrase btw. Any Australians seeing this meme? Let me know if you think Crocodile Dundee drinks Victoria Bitter or Toohey’s New in the comments. Cheers mate!
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Geez, Jimmy, chill the heck out. You hit 500 million followers and suddenly think you can drop the N-word? Retweeting it counts too, by the way (unless you censor it with **—then you’re cool, apparently).

Wait—can you, though? I’ve heard of the mythical “N-word pass,” but no one’s ever explained how you actually get one. It feels like something out of a fairy tale—like a leprechaun’s pot of gold, a goose that lays golden eggs, a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, or a polite Frenchman. Cool if true, but I’ve never seen one.

Maybe once you hit 100 million followers, one just magically appears in your DMs? That’d be cool. Or… maybe not. Influencers are mostly tools. Mr. Beast seems solid—he does a lot of good. The worst are the micro-influencers who write long-winded captions that go absolutely nowhere.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be wild if the Black community officially granted N-word passes to select individuals? Maybe just certain Asians—like Japanese (they’re super polite), or Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians… honestly, most of Southeast Asia is pretty chill. Maybe toss in a few Kiwis and Aussies too. They’re laid-back, and with those accents, it’d be kind of hilarious. Imagine if Steve Irwin had an N-word pass. Crikey N-! No? Just me?

Here’s the pitch: a reality show. Think Jeopardy! meets American Gladiators. Contestants compete against the likes of Clarence Thomas, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Chris Rock, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, etc.—in trivia, athletics, hair braiding, catalytic converter theft maybe even a rap battle—for a golden N-word pass. Winner gets to say it (soft “-gga,” obviously) for one year, after which it’s ceremoniously revoked.

Tell me that wouldn’t be must-watch TV.

And if anyone steals this idea, I expect a 10% finder’s fee—or else you know what I’m gonna call you… not nice!
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Apparently, this song has already been annedbay (that’s Pig Latin, btw!) on every other social media platform—except this one. Which is kinda weird, because, well, you know… Kanye isn’t exactly active on Instagram. So, in theory, it would’ve made more sense for it to disappear from here first.

Anyway, I suspect this song will either resurrect Kanye’s career from the ashes and earn him a coveted gold star—or serve as the final nail in the cross, so to speak. The match that ignites its inevitable incineration. The train that takes it on a one-way trip with no return. The secret staircase behind a bookshelf that leads to an attic where he’ll be forced to lock himself away and journal endlessly like a teenage girl in hiding—obsessing over a childhood crush on his cousin, Peter van Pels (or as he’ll call him, Peter Van Daan), overanalyzing every silence, every shy glance, every awkward conversation, every kiss—until he’s built an entire one-sided relationship in his head that leads absolutely nowhere.

And then, he dies.

And the journal is discovered by his dad, who publishes it—and somehow, it becomes required reading for seventh graders around the world.

Either way, it’s shaping up to be an interesting summer on social media. Maybe it’s time though to take a break and decompress—go on vacation somewhere like the Maldives, Koh Phi Phi, Borneo, or Buenos Aires.

If you read the caption, comment: ‘Peter’s a shy, awkward boy. He’s not even good-looking.’ –Kanye, probably, so people who didn’t read it won’t understand the comments.
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I’ve never been to Portland, but this is exactly what I imagine goes down there on the regular—and not just in Portland, but in every Denny’s bathroom across the globe. But especially in Portland. Why? It’s just the vibe. I don’t know. Maybe I watched one episode of Portlandia while mildly concussed and this is what I walked away with. Portland has always felt like a city out in the Pacific Northwest doing its own thing, like a dystopian Sims neighborhood that Sid from Toy Story built just to make all the residents as depressed as possible.

Is it pretty there (outside the city center) I bet. Would I like to go visit? Sure. I love to travel. I’ve been to 50+ countries, but never to Portland. Why not? Because there’s homeless encampments, drug dens underneath the freeways, gray overcast skies, and severe depression where I live. Why fly halfway across the country to get what I get for free in my own backyard?

I bet there are lots of stray dogs in Portland though. And I love dogs! So that might spur me to visit. But then I’d have to leave them behind, so I would just be bringing back some depression…maybe hepatitis…or gonorrhea if I eat out. So I’ll probably stay put for a while.

My gosh, this caption is such a downer. Just thinking about Portland has tanked my mood. Time to hit up Denny’s and demolish a few Grand Slam Breakfasts for a much-needed dopamine rush. And if that doesn’t help, there’s always this tweaker named Steve hanging around in the bathroom who swears he was on Portlandia and has a solid hookup. But I don’t believe him—wait a minute… oh my god…he’s Steve Buscemi?!? Whoa! Did I get a reach-around from Steve Buscemi?!?! That’s crazy!!!!

If you read this entire, comment:
“One time, I met Steve Buscemi in a Denny’s bathroom.”
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