I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter (if you celebrate), or a wonderful 4/20 (if you celebrate), or a wonderful “Awake and Bake” — as I am now christening any Easter Sunday that happens to fall on 4/20. Some would say it’s a day to commemorate the Highest of Highs. Probably Seth Rogen would say that, because that’s not a very clever pun and his brain is probably completely fried from engaging in recreational use for 50+ years. I’m guessing his mom was a regular toker while he was nursing, so he’s just been stoned since conception.

Anyway, these are just memes. I’m Christian, so God told me it was okay to make them to bring laughter to some people. If they’re not your thing, that’s cool — just keep scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’… (keep scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’...)
That’s Limp Bizkit, in case you were wondering — if they were a Christian rock band singing about the Dead Sea Scrolls being drafted.

Anyway — where was I? No idea.

Yeah, so Easter Sunday and 4/20 don’t land on the same day very often, so I had to take the opportunity to make some memes. I’m super proud of the last one. I doubt the Middle East is, though.

Oh well — you can’t break any bones without throwing a few stones.

I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m stoned.

What’s Sandra Bullock doing right now? Let me know in the comments.
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OMG y’all!!! We just hit 20k followers!!!
Thank you so much—I appreciate all of you. Yes, Kanye… even you… even though you like fish sticks in your mouth. You’re all loved, and I’m so grateful for the support you’ve shown me and my content.

I started this account because I used to just post memes on Reddit in my free time. But then they booted me for saying things people didn’t like, or asking questions people didn’t want to answer, like:

“Who’s a person whose work ignited passion in others and left a lasting impact on the world?”

“Who’s someone whose untimely death left a gap, but whose influence is still felt today?”

“Who’s someone who spoke with a unique accent, but still managed to have a huge impact on the world?”

I guess Reddit got tired of me going on and on about Alan Turing—who history misunderstood as just a “codebreaker,” probably because, like Kanye, he liked fish sticks in his mouth. He was wildly underrated. His work laid the foundation for modern computing and AI, but he died too young, just as he was exploring artificial intelligence and machine learning. And yet… no one ever guessed him. Nope. They always said [deleted]—who I’ve never heard of??? And seriously, who besides Elon Musk names their kid [deleted]???

Anyway. While I love posting memes and (hopefully) bringing laughter to your day, I equally—or maybe even more so—love writing the long, winding captions accompany them and that most of the time go nowhere, but this time might lead to your doorstep.

So if you’ve made it this far and follow this account:
Comment your answer to the questions above before the sun sets on Kanye West’s birthday (6/8) and you may be the lucky one to receive a small token of appreciation from me to you for your support. I promise it won’t be fish sticks.

Oh yeah… please don’t comment “[deleted].” Thanks.

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Geez, Jimmy, chill the heck out. You hit 500 million followers and suddenly think you can drop the N-word? Retweeting it counts too, by the way (unless you censor it with **—then you’re cool, apparently).

Wait—can you, though? I’ve heard of the mythical “N-word pass,” but no one’s ever explained how you actually get one. It feels like something out of a fairy tale—like a leprechaun’s pot of gold, a goose that lays golden eggs, a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, or a polite Frenchman. Cool if true, but I’ve never seen one.

Maybe once you hit 100 million followers, one just magically appears in your DMs? That’d be cool. Or… maybe not. Influencers are mostly tools. Mr. Beast seems solid—he does a lot of good. The worst are the micro-influencers who write long-winded captions that go absolutely nowhere.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be wild if the Black community officially granted N-word passes to select individuals? Maybe just certain Asians—like Japanese (they’re super polite), or Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians… honestly, most of Southeast Asia is pretty chill. Maybe toss in a few Kiwis and Aussies too. They’re laid-back, and with those accents, it’d be kind of hilarious. Imagine if Steve Irwin had an N-word pass. Crikey N-! No? Just me?

Here’s the pitch: a reality show. Think Jeopardy! meets American Gladiators. Contestants compete against the likes of Clarence Thomas, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Chris Rock, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, etc.—in trivia, athletics, hair braiding, catalytic converter theft maybe even a rap battle—for a golden N-word pass. Winner gets to say it (soft “-gga,” obviously) for one year, after which it’s ceremoniously revoked.

Tell me that wouldn’t be must-watch TV.

And if anyone steals this idea, I expect a 10% finder’s fee—or else you know what I’m gonna call you… not nice!
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I’ve never been to Portland, but this is exactly what I imagine goes down there on the regular—and not just in Portland, but in every Denny’s bathroom across the globe. But especially in Portland. Why? It’s just the vibe. I don’t know. Maybe I watched one episode of Portlandia while mildly concussed and this is what I walked away with. Portland has always felt like a city out in the Pacific Northwest doing its own thing, like a dystopian Sims neighborhood that Sid from Toy Story built just to make all the residents as depressed as possible.

Is it pretty there (outside the city center) I bet. Would I like to go visit? Sure. I love to travel. I’ve been to 50+ countries, but never to Portland. Why not? Because there’s homeless encampments, drug dens underneath the freeways, gray overcast skies, and severe depression where I live. Why fly halfway across the country to get what I get for free in my own backyard?

I bet there are lots of stray dogs in Portland though. And I love dogs! So that might spur me to visit. But then I’d have to leave them behind, so I would just be bringing back some depression…maybe hepatitis…or gonorrhea if I eat out. So I’ll probably stay put for a while.

My gosh, this caption is such a downer. Just thinking about Portland has tanked my mood. Time to hit up Denny’s and demolish a few Grand Slam Breakfasts for a much-needed dopamine rush. And if that doesn’t help, there’s always this tweaker named Steve hanging around in the bathroom who swears he was on Portlandia and has a solid hookup. But I don’t believe him—wait a minute… oh my god…he’s Steve Buscemi?!? Whoa! Did I get a reach-around from Steve Buscemi?!?! That’s crazy!!!!

If you read this entire, comment:
“One time, I met Steve Buscemi in a Denny’s bathroom.”
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