Without the apple, Newton wouldn’t have given us the theory of gravity.
Without the lightning, Ben Franklin wouldn’t have given us electricity.
Without the asylum, Van Gogh wouldn’t have given us Starry Night.
Without the depression, Robin Williams wouldn’t have given us laughter.
Without Ike, Tina wouldn’t have given us Proud Mary.
Without the Jesus’ resurrection, Cadbury wouldn’t have given us the Crème Egg.
Without the Kool-Aid, Jim Jones wouldn’t have given us Jonestown.
Without the Deep State, the CIA wouldn’t have given us the Crack Epidemic.
Without the Crack Epidemic, HBO wouldn’t have given us The Wire.
And, Without Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Japanese wouldn’t have given us 🐙 🌽

You’ll never know what beauty will arise from catastrophe, chaos, or Kool-Aid.
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Geez, Jimmy, chill the heck out. You hit 500 million followers and suddenly think you can drop the N-word? Retweeting it counts too, by the way (unless you censor it with **—then you’re cool, apparently).

Wait—can you, though? I’ve heard of the mythical “N-word pass,” but no one’s ever explained how you actually get one. It feels like something out of a fairy tale—like a leprechaun’s pot of gold, a goose that lays golden eggs, a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, or a polite Frenchman. Cool if true, but I’ve never seen one.

Maybe once you hit 100 million followers, one just magically appears in your DMs? That’d be cool. Or… maybe not. Influencers are mostly tools. Mr. Beast seems solid—he does a lot of good. The worst are the micro-influencers who write long-winded captions that go absolutely nowhere.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be wild if the Black community officially granted N-word passes to select individuals? Maybe just certain Asians—like Japanese (they’re super polite), or Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians… honestly, most of Southeast Asia is pretty chill. Maybe toss in a few Kiwis and Aussies too. They’re laid-back, and with those accents, it’d be kind of hilarious. Imagine if Steve Irwin had an N-word pass. Crikey N-! No? Just me?

Here’s the pitch: a reality show. Think Jeopardy! meets American Gladiators. Contestants compete against the likes of Clarence Thomas, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Chris Rock, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, etc.—in trivia, athletics, hair braiding, catalytic converter theft maybe even a rap battle—for a golden N-word pass. Winner gets to say it (soft “-gga,” obviously) for one year, after which it’s ceremoniously revoked.

Tell me that wouldn’t be must-watch TV.

And if anyone steals this idea, I expect a 10% finder’s fee—or else you know what I’m gonna call you… not nice!
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OMG y’all!!! We just hit 20k followers!!!
Thank you so much—I appreciate all of you. Yes, Kanye… even you… even though you like fish sticks in your mouth. You’re all loved, and I’m so grateful for the support you’ve shown me and my content.

I started this account because I used to just post memes on Reddit in my free time. But then they booted me for saying things people didn’t like, or asking questions people didn’t want to answer, like:

“Who’s a person whose work ignited passion in others and left a lasting impact on the world?”

“Who’s someone whose untimely death left a gap, but whose influence is still felt today?”

“Who’s someone who spoke with a unique accent, but still managed to have a huge impact on the world?”

I guess Reddit got tired of me going on and on about Alan Turing—who history misunderstood as just a “codebreaker,” probably because, like Kanye, he liked fish sticks in his mouth. He was wildly underrated. His work laid the foundation for modern computing and AI, but he died too young, just as he was exploring artificial intelligence and machine learning. And yet… no one ever guessed him. Nope. They always said [deleted]—who I’ve never heard of??? And seriously, who besides Elon Musk names their kid [deleted]???

Anyway. While I love posting memes and (hopefully) bringing laughter to your day, I equally—or maybe even more so—love writing the long, winding captions accompany them and that most of the time go nowhere, but this time might lead to your doorstep.

So if you’ve made it this far and follow this account:
Comment your answer to the questions above before the sun sets on Kanye West’s birthday (6/8) and you may be the lucky one to receive a small token of appreciation from me to you for your support. I promise it won’t be fish sticks.

Oh yeah… please don’t comment “[deleted].” Thanks.

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I’ve never been to Portland, but this is exactly what I imagine goes down there on the regular—and not just in Portland, but in every Denny’s bathroom across the globe. But especially in Portland. Why? It’s just the vibe. I don’t know. Maybe I watched one episode of Portlandia while mildly concussed and this is what I walked away with. Portland has always felt like a city out in the Pacific Northwest doing its own thing, like a dystopian Sims neighborhood that Sid from Toy Story built just to make all the residents as depressed as possible.

Is it pretty there (outside the city center) I bet. Would I like to go visit? Sure. I love to travel. I’ve been to 50+ countries, but never to Portland. Why not? Because there’s homeless encampments, drug dens underneath the freeways, gray overcast skies, and severe depression where I live. Why fly halfway across the country to get what I get for free in my own backyard?

I bet there are lots of stray dogs in Portland though. And I love dogs! So that might spur me to visit. But then I’d have to leave them behind, so I would just be bringing back some depression…maybe hepatitis…or gonorrhea if I eat out. So I’ll probably stay put for a while.

My gosh, this caption is such a downer. Just thinking about Portland has tanked my mood. Time to hit up Denny’s and demolish a few Grand Slam Breakfasts for a much-needed dopamine rush. And if that doesn’t help, there’s always this tweaker named Steve hanging around in the bathroom who swears he was on Portlandia and has a solid hookup. But I don’t believe him—wait a minute… oh my god…he’s Steve Buscemi?!? Whoa! Did I get a reach-around from Steve Buscemi?!?! That’s crazy!!!!

If you read this entire, comment:
“One time, I met Steve Buscemi in a Denny’s bathroom.”
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