The fact that the new Pope is American is amazing. The fact that he’s from Chicago (albeit the South Side and a White Sox fan) is, as a fellow Chicagoan and a Catholic, unbelievable—and easily forgivable. But the idea that he’s from Chicago and may have visited the world-famous Wieners Circle—where the staff likely hurled insults at him while he patiently waited for God to tell him what to order—is, in and of itself, a miracle.

The only thing that even remotely captures that kind of energy is when Conan O’Brien sent Kenneth Parcell (aka Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock) to the Wieners Circle during a Late Late Show taping in Chicago 12 years ago. I’ll try to upload the whole clip in my next meme—it’s hilarious.

If you want that, just comment “Wieners.”
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Geez, Jimmy, chill the heck out. You hit 500 million followers and suddenly think you can drop the N-word? Retweeting it counts too, by the way (unless you censor it with **—then you’re cool, apparently).

Wait—can you, though? I’ve heard of the mythical “N-word pass,” but no one’s ever explained how you actually get one. It feels like something out of a fairy tale—like a leprechaun’s pot of gold, a goose that lays golden eggs, a flying carpet, a genie in a lamp, or a polite Frenchman. Cool if true, but I’ve never seen one.

Maybe once you hit 100 million followers, one just magically appears in your DMs? That’d be cool. Or… maybe not. Influencers are mostly tools. Mr. Beast seems solid—he does a lot of good. The worst are the micro-influencers who write long-winded captions that go absolutely nowhere.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be wild if the Black community officially granted N-word passes to select individuals? Maybe just certain Asians—like Japanese (they’re super polite), or Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians… honestly, most of Southeast Asia is pretty chill. Maybe toss in a few Kiwis and Aussies too. They’re laid-back, and with those accents, it’d be kind of hilarious. Imagine if Steve Irwin had an N-word pass. Crikey N-! No? Just me?

Here’s the pitch: a reality show. Think Jeopardy! meets American Gladiators. Contestants compete against the likes of Clarence Thomas, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Mariah Carey, Chris Rock, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, etc.—in trivia, athletics, hair braiding, catalytic converter theft maybe even a rap battle—for a golden N-word pass. Winner gets to say it (soft “-gga,” obviously) for one year, after which it’s ceremoniously revoked.

Tell me that wouldn’t be must-watch TV.

And if anyone steals this idea, I expect a 10% finder’s fee—or else you know what I’m gonna call you… not nice!
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OMG y’all!!! We just hit 20k followers!!!
Thank you so much—I appreciate all of you. Yes, Kanye… even you… even though you like fish sticks in your mouth. You’re all loved, and I’m so grateful for the support you’ve shown me and my content.

I started this account because I used to just post memes on Reddit in my free time. But then they booted me for saying things people didn’t like, or asking questions people didn’t want to answer, like:

“Who’s a person whose work ignited passion in others and left a lasting impact on the world?”

“Who’s someone whose untimely death left a gap, but whose influence is still felt today?”

“Who’s someone who spoke with a unique accent, but still managed to have a huge impact on the world?”

I guess Reddit got tired of me going on and on about Alan Turing—who history misunderstood as just a “codebreaker,” probably because, like Kanye, he liked fish sticks in his mouth. He was wildly underrated. His work laid the foundation for modern computing and AI, but he died too young, just as he was exploring artificial intelligence and machine learning. And yet… no one ever guessed him. Nope. They always said [deleted]—who I’ve never heard of??? And seriously, who besides Elon Musk names their kid [deleted]???

Anyway. While I love posting memes and (hopefully) bringing laughter to your day, I equally—or maybe even more so—love writing the long, winding captions accompany them and that most of the time go nowhere, but this time might lead to your doorstep.

So if you’ve made it this far and follow this account:
Comment your answer to the questions above before the sun sets on Kanye West’s birthday (6/8) and you may be the lucky one to receive a small token of appreciation from me to you for your support. I promise it won’t be fish sticks.

Oh yeah… please don’t comment “[deleted].” Thanks.

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I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter (if you celebrate), or a wonderful 4/20 (if you celebrate), or a wonderful “Awake and Bake” — as I am now christening any Easter Sunday that happens to fall on 4/20. Some would say it’s a day to commemorate the Highest of Highs. Probably Seth Rogen would say that, because that’s not a very clever pun and his brain is probably completely fried from engaging in recreational use for 50+ years. I’m guessing his mom was a regular toker while he was nursing, so he’s just been stoned since conception.

Anyway, these are just memes. I’m Christian, so God told me it was okay to make them to bring laughter to some people. If they’re not your thing, that’s cool — just keep scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’… (keep scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’...)
That’s Limp Bizkit, in case you were wondering — if they were a Christian rock band singing about the Dead Sea Scrolls being drafted.

Anyway — where was I? No idea.

Yeah, so Easter Sunday and 4/20 don’t land on the same day very often, so I had to take the opportunity to make some memes. I’m super proud of the last one. I doubt the Middle East is, though.

Oh well — you can’t break any bones without throwing a few stones.

I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m stoned.

What’s Sandra Bullock doing right now? Let me know in the comments.
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