I mistakenly sent 20k to a fan who asked me for 2k💔😪😪😭

Would you have sent it back if it was you😪🤔

@mazitundeednut

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The fact that the new Pope is American is amazing. The fact that he’s from Chicago (albeit the South Side and a White Sox fan) is, as a fellow Chicagoan and a Catholic, unbelievable—and easily forgivable. But the idea that he’s from Chicago and may have visited the world-famous Wieners Circle—where the staff likely hurled insults at him while he patiently waited for God to tell him what to order—is, in and of itself, a miracle.

The only thing that even remotely captures that kind of energy is when Conan O’Brien sent Kenneth Parcell (aka Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock) to the Wieners Circle during a Late Late Show taping in Chicago 12 years ago. I’ll try to upload the whole clip in my next meme—it’s hilarious.

If you want that, just comment “Wieners.”
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Dad and his friend are huge Metallica fans. So when he gets home and dinner isn’t ready, he plops down in his study to practice “Enter Sandman.” He’s an avid guitar player, but he struggles with the main riff’s galloping rhythm and the E minor to F power chord transition.

After a frustrating session, if he still can’t nail the fast palm-muted section before the solo, he heads to the kitchen and smashes… a few beers to relax and forget how sloppy his downpicking sounds.

If that doesn’t calm him down, he grabs a baseball bat and hits… some ground balls to my brother in the backyard. Mom’s not a fan—it ruins her tulips—so she nags him to stop.

If he’s still upset, he heads to the garage, grabs his 9-gauge, walks back into the kitchen, steadies his hand, and finishes off… rewiring the new LED lights he installed to match the custom kitchen he built for her.

Why he keeps copper wire in the gun cabinet has always boggled me. He says it’s for safety—since vagrants roam the neighborhood at night, breaking into garages. Sometimes, though, it’s just the neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, returning a borrowed drill.

Poor Mrs. Wilson never saw it coming. Who knew Dad could land a headshot from his recliner? I wouldn’t—especially since his fingers can’t even manage a clean E5 to F5 transition.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—especially you, Mrs. Wilson. Your departure left a big void… especially since they still haven’t found you. But hey, my mom’s tulips are coming in beautifully. All thanks to you.

And don’t worry—Dad will learn “Enter Sandman” soon enough. It breaks his heart to hear your husband cry every night, at his attempt to master the muted triplet gallops and dual guitar harmonies of your favorite song.
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Dick’s Sporting Goods Chairman Edward W. Stack announced today that rapper, fashion designer, influencer, actor, mogul, restaurateur, entrepreneur, husband, father, uncle, and first-through-ninth cousin Kanye West will serve as the company’s new brand ambassador.

Stack cited Kanye’s “willingness to swallow his pride—among other things—and really get down to business” as a key factor in the decision.

When asked what convinced him to take the role, Kanye said, “Edward told me Dick’s is really just one big family. That spoke to me.”

Pressed by reporters on whether he was concerned about appointing Kanye given his fallout with Adidas and the collapse of the Yeezy brand, Stack responded confidently:
“We’re not worried. In fact, we kind of hope he blows it.”
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